Learning to Be Alone After a Breakup
Being in a relationship has many advantages on both a personal and social level. For example, you feel loved and supported by someone else who’s made you their priority. Furthermore, you believe that relatives and acquaintances validate you for the fact of being in a relationship and for complying with the established standards. It’s not surprising, therefore, that many people panic about being single. However, learning to be alone is essential.
No one can guarantee that your relationships will last. In fact, when they do end, you might feel that you’ve been thrown into a void, that you’ve lost your value, your identity, and your goals. Learning to live with loneliness is necessary to rebuild, heal, and improve yourself. Above all, so that your choice of your next partner is a decision and not a necessity.
Is it hard for you to be alone? If so, keep reading.
Learning to be alone after a breakup
It’s extremely common to feel that being alone is frightening and synonymous with failure or a lack of something. Indeed, many people stay in unhappy and unhealthy relationships due to the fear of loneliness. Others continually move from one relationship to another. It seems they’d rather do anything than be alone.
If your relationship has just ended and you’re determined to give yourself some time to invest in yourself, here are some ideas to take advantage of this stage in your life.
Realize the importance of loneliness
This is essential. You have to be clear about why it’s worth being alone for a while. Otherwise, at the first fear or setback, you’ll look outside for what should come from within. Remember that being alone allows you to discover yourself, get to know yourself, and improve your relationship with you. It allows you to invest in yourself the time, dedication, and energy that you gave to your partner. Above all, it helps you grow and evolve personally.
Strengthen your self-love
When a relationship ends, you lose your main source of love, support, understanding, and validation. Therefore, in order that the void doesn’t overwhelm you, you must learn to fill it by yourself. If you have a hard time being alone, you probably don’t have strong self-esteem. In other words, you don’t consider yourself valuable, worthy, or adequate.
This is the ideal time to start talking to yourself and treating yourself with love. You must show compassion and respect to yourself, and give yourself the best people and experiences. In fact, think about everything you were able to do for your partner and now do it for yourself.
Make new plans
Without wanting to, and often without realizing it, when you’re in a relationship, you end up putting aside your interests, hobbies, and personal projects. That’s because your attention and effort are focused on your partner and you almost forget who you are.
However, after the breakup, you can resume those activities that you enjoyed so much and abandoned. You can recover the plans, hopes, and dreams that you had on an individual level. It can even be an excellent time to make new plans and goals for the future.
Work through your fears
This is essential in learning to be alone. You have to recognize your fears and work on them so that they don’t dominate you. As we said earlier, society is made for couples and this marital status is externally rewarded and reinforced. This can lead you to think that being single means you’re incomplete, or even defective or a failure.
Thus, the fear of rejection and feelings of shame, of others thinking that you’re not worthy may appear. In addition, you may experience other fears such as being afraid that you’ll never have another relationship again.
If you can’t rationalize these thoughts, you could end up living with a concern that’s so great, it leads you to get back with your ex-partner or bond with the first person you think might be okay. However, this will only cause long-term discomfort. Therefore, you must work on your fears. Then, you’ll maintain a good part of your freedom.
Take care of yourself
During the first weeks or months after the breakup, you may constantly think about your partner, about the moments you shared, and what can now never be. These thoughts can be extremely painful and damaging, and the best strategy to avoid this is to take care of yourself.
Start taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. You can begin exercising, improving your diet, or taking care of your skin; You might want to start meditating, writing a therapeutic journal, or spending time with people who love you and make you feel good. Make yourself your main priority.
Make your life an extraordinary experience
Finally, remember that everything is temporary and that you’ll love again. Furthermore, having had the time to heal, you’ll be able to love in a healthier, more genuine, and freer way. However, your life shouldn’t be put on pause until that special someone appears who touches your heart again. On the contrary, this period is ideal for you to focus on building a life that’s so rich, interesting, and prosperous that whoever enters it does so on their own merits. That they share and add to you, don’t just fill the gaps.
Focus on your goals, your professional career, your health and well-being, and your happiness. When this stage of your life ends, you’ll remember it as a wonderful turning point, as the impulse that led you to become a stronger and happier person. Indeed, in reality, learning to be alone is a valuable resource.It might interest you...
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- de la Parra García, J. (2006). Mediación y ruptura de pareja: duelo y oportunidad. Estudios sobre mediación: la ley de mediación familiar de Castilla y León, 125.
- Montoya, C. V. (2008). La soLtería en mujeres de medIana edad. Reflexiones, 87(1), 99-111.