To Avoid Superficial Relationships, Avoid These Mistakes

4 minutes

Last update: 02 January, 2017

For many people, love is nothing more than a game. A form of entertainment in which the other person’s feelings don’t hold any value. In all of this, the manipulation that will lead to the relationship’s downfall is present. It’s impossible that this situation will be maintained over time. Although it is also true that people who play with love, sooner or later get burned. This is the reality of superficial relationships.

“Liquid relationships are always taking in water.”
-Jennifer Delgado-

Maybe it is the fear of formal relationships that urges us to make them loaded with instability. Although we try, we can’t manage to form a solid bond. This behavior provokes the end of many relationships before they even begin. That’s why it’s so important to avoid these mistakes.

You refuse to define your relationship

It’s true that labels tend to encapsulate and limit, but when two people wish to be together and share certain moments of their lives, they need to give a name to what is happening between them. If you refuse to give a name to your relationship, both of you will feel lost. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we friends with benefits?

It is not fair to let actions speak for themselves. The other person has to know if they are free to see other people or, on the contrary, if they are embarking upon a serious and formal relationship. One of the two people may not be okay with this, so leaving the situation up in the air is not the right thing to do.

This tendency indicates a clear fear of commitment and of labels. But, if there’s no conversation about the relationship, false illusions and ideas can emerge that could cause much more serious problems.

You only look for them when you want to

People have feelings, and we can’t treat them as if they were objects. They don’t exist simply to satisfy our needs when we want them to. When we do this, we are “using” another person.

“All of the disgraces of men come from not speaking clearly.”
-Albert Camus-

No one likes to be used by others. Have you ever done it? Have you ever ignored someone until you needed them? This kind of relationship ends up being hurtful, undermining self-esteem and provoking feelings of inferiority. To consider a person as a simple instrument is to strip him of his humanity.

There are many people who give in due to low self-esteem or emotional dependence. But you have to love yourself a bit more than that. You don’t deserve to be used, you deserve to be loved. Remember that you are not an object, but a person. Don’t allow yourself to be used.

You say the opposite of what we think

When friendships with benefits got popular, many people wanted to get into the new fad. But, is this really the type of relationship they wanted to have? Maybe many people found themselves entrapped in this kind of relationship, not because they desired it. Instead, they were a way to confront the classic thought that characterized love as an eternal feeling. Or, at least until reality said otherwise.

In a relationship without boundaries, it becomes a game. At first, this game keeps the flame alive, but over time, it can end up destroying the relationship. A seemingly innocent game in which we send a message, but then take our sweet time responding. This is done on purpose, in order to maintain the mystery and to keep the other person more interested in us.

“The same idea of a relationship is still loaded with vague threats and gloomy premonitions: it simultaneously transmits the pleasure of a union and the horrors of confinement. Perhaps this is why people speak more of connections rather than talking about couples.”
-Zygmunt Bauman-

The truth is that nowadays, relationships have become fragile. Be it because our understanding of love has changed or because we have in some way destroyed the previous concept of it and haven’t been able to create a new one in its place.

We have criticized the lack of communication that couples suffer from, but now defend the absence of “labels.” And this absence only makes us feel confused and lost without boundaries. We might be clear on what we don’t want, but not so much about what we do want. And much less about what we are willing to negotiate in order to reach an agreement.

In the end, we have exchanged the classic definitions for voids. Voids that are not innocuous, because they are the source of much confusion and emotional damage. And that is something that as a society and as individuals, we must think about.