Love: The Magic Wand in Parenting

· February 27, 2018

Being a father is challenging. Being a mother is challenging. It is today and it always will be. There is no formula for doing it well. But there is one ingredient that should be in everyone’s parenting toolkit: love. When love is a big part of parenting, chances of things going well will increase exponentially.

But, what differentiates good parenting from bad parenting? How do we know if things are going well or if they’re going poorly? Their academic success? Their obedience and good behavior?  If there is love in a relationship, you don’t need to doubt. Because they’ll gladly return that love to you. And when we’re speaking about parenting, it’s even more true.

Maybe you’re a little offended by this. Everyone loves their children, of course, but loving your child isn’t the same thing as parenting with love. Furthermore, to raise your children with love, you have to have something that many parents today lack: time to connect with them. Keep in mind that connecting isn’t the same as just being with them.

Connect with your children to give them a childhood based in love

When you connect with your children, you see things differently. Somehow, they seem more human. They stop being a project and turn into people with skills. You stop trying to make them a part of you. Their problems become your problems, their concerns become your concerns, their world is your world.

Parenting: a mother and daughter.

When you were a child or teenager, did you ever feel like you were an outsider? That what you thought didn’t matter, and the only things that did were the expectations and opinions of your parents?

That was a lack of connection. Your parents loved you, of course, but they weren’t connected with you. If you didn’t feel this way, wonderful. You undoubtedly have fewer problems connecting with your own children.

There are always times when it seems hard to connect with your children, but there’s nothing you can’t do if you really love them. Unconditionally love them, without restrictions or expectations.

If you love yourself as you are, your faith in yourself and in your children will grow, since you will be giving them the best version of yourself, your true self. The relationship with grow in sincerity, pride, and hope. Your children don’t need superhero parents, they just need parents who love them for who they are.

“Love for oneself is an engine of transformation. Working with its shadow is your program of study.”

~Paul Ferrini

Love brings security, trust, and hope. If you give love to others, you give them these things as well. If you give yourself love, the effects of it are multiplied in both yourself and what you have to offer others. Only by loving yourself can you love others, including your children.

Good parenting: how to connect with your children through love

Love transforms everything and it is the biggest determining factor of a happy childhood versus a stressful one. Every tough situation can end positively with love. And many of these situations happen in a normal day.

To begin applying love to your parenting, the first step is to imagine that you’re connected with them. Close your eyes and feel that deep, intense love grow inside you. Feel the affection and the heat that emanates from that love. Hold onto that image for a minute. If you do this often, you will program yourself for love, seeing your relationship with your children through it.

A mother kissing her little son.

When it comes to your current relationship with your children, every time things get tense, you need to take a step back, then observe and review the situation. Identify how you feel and analyze how you react.

Do you think that love and affection are guiding your actions? If not, remember the exercise from above and try to visualize it again. Look at the situation from this perspective. There’s always more than one way to interpret and deal with a situation.

Don’t try to guide your children if you’re angry or you feel irritated. Don’t intervene when you’re experiencing a torrent of negative emotions. You can’t control the situation if you aren’t capable of controlling yourself. Remind yourself that if you want to connect with your child, you first have to connect with yourself. Give yourself love, and then give that love to your children.

You should also keep in mind that humans connect better through physical contact. Hug your children, embrace them, cover them with kisses. You don’t need a reason. It’s easy for contact to fade as your children get older, but don’t give up, and don’t forget to make contact with them.

You also need to remember that play is a powerful tool for connection. It not only encourages contact, but also dialogue, collaboration, and interaction. Play with your children whenever you can. You don’t have to organize anything special. A simple pillow fight or any kind of spontaneous race can do a lot.