I Will Go on Feeling Ever Less and Remembering Ever More

· February 24, 2017

With time, that pain that we feel over the death of a loved one, from someone we loved having left us, because of a friend who let us down, will start to go away, get weaker, and we will start to remember the happy moments, the smiles, and we will start feeling the caresses of those images from the past.

With the passing of time, of days, of years, our feelings relax and we create our memories.

“To remember a good time is to feel happy again.”

-Gabriela Mistral-

Where are our feelings born?

Studies of the brain have shown that human emotions are born in the limbic system, a group of structures that includes the hippocampus and the amygdala, among others.

A series of functions including emotions, attention, pleasure, memory, addiction, etc. is controlled by the limbic system.

Head with Glowing Brain

But when we are in love, the feelings come from different parts of the brain; because of this, it has been difficult for scientists to pinpoint the exact location where feelings related to love are born.

In a study carried out by scientists at Concordia University (Canada), Syracuse University, and the University of West Virginia (United States), they looked back over previous studies on brain activity related to love and sexual desire.

They arrived at the conclusion that the place where love is located in the brain is connected to the place where sexual desire originates, but both are separated.

Can we control our feelings?

Sometimes we think about our emotions as something dark or which cannot be changed because we are not generally given emotional education. It is very common to think that we cannot modify what we feel.

Our feelings come from the emotions that a certain situation or a person creates in us, and emotions can be controlled through emotional intelligence.

The term emotional intelligence was popularized by Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of one’s emotions and properly manage them so that they do not paralyze one’s relationship with others or with the world in general.

“If you approach a situation like a matter of life or death, you will die many times”

-Adam Smith-

Daniel Goleman places our basic emotions in six categories, which are the following:

  • Happiness: Sense of fulfillment, joy, and pleasure.
  • Sadness: This is the sensation of unease and emptiness, the lack of energy and motivation that is often caused by a loss.
  • Anger: This is the perception caused by an obstacle, an offense, or an irritation.
  • Surprise: This is the sensation when faced with an unexpected event that can be positive or negative.
  • Fear: Change in mood that produces anxiety in light of a danger or loss, be these real or imaginary.
  • Disgust: Discomfort caused by something that causes irritation or displeasure.

How to control our emotions?

One of the systems for controlling our emotions is the Sedona Method, which consists in freeing our emotions in a rigid way. It is a matter of asking yourself five questions:

  1. Could I accept what I am feeling? Think about what is worrying you, about what you are feeling, and let your emotions and feelings flow; allow yourself to feel everything that you need to.
  2. Could I let go of what I am feeling? It is simply a matter of knowing if it is possible.
  3. Would I do it? That is to say, am I willing to do it?
  4. When? This is a simple invitation to let go of what you are feeling.
  5. Repeat the four previous steps until you have completely freed yourself of your feelings.
Woman Thinking About Many Things

Start remembering

Remembering is a word that comes from the Latin “rememorari,” made up of “re” again and “memorari” memory. Therefore, remember means to let something go through your memory again.

When we start remembering a person who has gone away, a partner who has left us, we let everything that we experienced go back through our hearts and minds again, and we tend to remember the happy moments, the situations that made us smile.

A group of scientists from Birmingham and Cambridge published a study in which they showed that we are the only ones who control what we remember and what we forget, that forgetting is not a passive action.

In order to learn to control the bad memories, we can follow three simple steps that will allow us to carry one with our lives and enjoy our present and our future:

  1. Accept. We cannot change the past, but we can change the present and the future, which is why it is necessary to leave behind the moments in the past that hurt us and instead live in the present, freeing ourselves of all guilt.
  2. Learn. We learn from all the experiences in our lives, be they positive or negative. Our existence is a continuous lesson, which you must look for what each negative memory is teaching you and learn from it so that you can move on with your life.
  3. Forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. This is a way to impose limits on a negative memory and keep moving forward, fully enjoying each and every moment.

“I will go on feeling ever less and remembering ever more, but what is memory if not the language of feeling, a dictionary of faces and days and smells which repeat themselves like the verbs and adjectives in a speech, sneaking in behind the thing itself, into the pure present, making us sad or teaching us vicariously”

 -Julio Cortázar-