I am My Own Home: I Listen to Myself and Renew Myself

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 15 November, 2021

I am my own home. That’s why I open the windows for air, to let the rancid, toxic wind out and let in the breeze carrying the scent of hope and dreams.

I am my own home. My refuge. That’s why sometimes I’m not available for others because I’m seeking in myself. I need to listen to myself, look after myself and heal myself…

If our inner world were truly a home, many of our homes would be sadly untidy. True, some would have a beautiful facade, with colorful trimmed tiles, big chimneys, sophisticated gates and grandiose windows with elegant curtains.

However, if we were to go into these imposing mansions, we may find dilapidated walls, weak pillars, and lonely halls. Empty rooms that smell like sadness and dark corners sunlight has never reached.

In effect, if each one of us were really a house, we would have to take care of it. We’d want a comfortable home, full of light with no closed-up rooms.

We are our own home, let’s admit it. W e are our own refuge, beautiful and always growing.  So let’s learn to care for this magical space that we should never rent out, but rather protect.

The refuge you’re looking for outside is within

George Bernard Shaw said that life is not about finding ourselves, but rather about knowing how to create ourselves. Therefore he who chooses to go on a journey to find their purpose, test their limits and see who they really are, is mistaken in their approach.

Because what they want to know is not outside but rather on inside.

There’s something we all knew, especially in adolescence, that stage where we live with all our focus outwards, waiting to see what life will bring us, to see what’s happening in the outside world with its commotion, its flavors, sounds and smells.

By living disconnected from our own hearts, values and identity, we’ll feel like “something’s missing”. 

So, almost without realizing it, we let the first person who shows up enter into the home of our own being. We give them the keys, we offer them the best sofa and even access to our drawers and attic.

We do this with naive innocence, not realizing that there are thieves and snoops that will mercilessly destroy everything they find: our self-esteem, strengths, virtues, dreams and hopes…

Caring for yourself, listening to yourself and working on yourself is not selfish

Having a home full of spacious rooms filled with books of infinite wisdom is not selfish. Having a home without locked doors or cracks, no dark corners is not being vain.

Enjoying a garden filled with incredible flowers and beautiful trees with strong roots is not superficial. Because getting these things takes time, willpower and self-care.

We live in a society that conditions us to believe that loving yourself is a selfish act. But afterwards we are almost obliged to read self-help books where we find that the premise is not true. We’ll read that closing the doors of our home to what we don’t like or don’t want is not narcissistic.

It’s actually courage, self-love and honesty. It is self-care and prioritizing ourselves in a world where people don’t do that.

As Albert Ellis said at his time, our society often teaches us to hurt ourselves. So we must forget all of that so we can learn to think and feel differently. To remember that there is a delicate being that needs our attention, care and recognition: ourselves.

So let’s make that journey back to our own home. Let’s sweep out our limiting beliefs and open up the rooms of hope. Draw back the curtains of inner conflicts and clean the pipes of our emotional wounds.

Let’s sow our gardens with seeds of hope and keep the keys to our home safe in our pocket, because it is those keys that in the end will open the doors to happiness…