Forgetting Is a Word the Heart Does Not Understand

· March 10, 2017

The love of a couple, when you have truly experienced it leaves a lasting impression; a memory that will always remain rooted to what was experienced and felt, where forgetting just has no place.

Our perception of how long love has lasted will always be somewhat subjective. However long it lasted it will always seem little to us because we would have liked more time and because its intensity catches us like a drug that turns us into addicts. The ecstasy that leads us to feel love makes everything look wonderful; as if life acquires more colors and seems to us to be filled with joy and momentum.

In this state of grace there is neither distance nor limits; everything is magical.

When indifference arises or there is no connection the idea of ​​forgetting occurs in our lives, as the solution to move forward and not suffer constantly. However, we cannot control our obscurity by our own will.

Pablo Neruda knows how to express this well in his “Poem 20” from the book “Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair,” which reflects his inability to forget: I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her. Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.

wilted rose sand

Poem by Pablo Neruda

This beautiful poem by Pablo Neruda brilliantly tells the difficulty and the pain of forgetting when one has loved another:


Tonight I can write the most sorrowful verses.
I can write, for instance: “The night is starry,
and the blue stars are shivering in the distance.”

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the most sorrowful verses.
I loved her and, sometimes, she loved me back.

On nights like tonight I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes, I loved her back.
How could I have not loved her big, still eyes.

Tonight I can write the most sorrowful verses.
To think that I do not have her. Feeling I’ve lost her.

Hearing the immense night, even more so without her.
And the verse falls on my soul like dew on the grass.

It does not matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone is singing in the distance. In the distance.
My soul is not content having lost her.

As if they could reach her, my eyes try to find her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, the ones from before, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, true, but how I once loved her.
My voice sought the wind to touch her ear.

Another’s.  She will be another’s. As before she had my kisses.
Her voice, her pale body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, and forgetting is so long.

Because on nights like tonight I held her in my arms,
My soul is not content having lost her.

Though this be the last pain she causes me,
and these will be the last verses that I write for her.”

The memories of our love are steeped within us. Neither time nor anger, nor our discomfort, nor being with someone else can lead us to forget.

In fact, trying to be with someone else as soon as possible to forget is fairly common. It does not usually bring good results because we are only fooling ourselves and the other person.

boy seated under tree love girl standing

Forgetting is not the solution

Getting on with our lives after what happened does not happen by forgetting everything we experienced. Rather, it comes by accepting that each period of our lives leaves us things that are incurable.

The only thing that really exists right now is our present, and the solution depends on how we decide to place ourselves. We can extract from the past what helps us in our present life by integrating the two.

Every experience, good or bad, will not have any way of changing it. Which is why we have the possibility of taking all possible lessons out of it and integrating them into our experience.

In love, when we go through a bad time we try to forget it; we have the opportunity to get to know ourselves more in depth; so that we do not keep repeating the same mistakes with the same feelings that were not resolved.