Why You Need Selective Solitude
There are a few things that inspire as much as sadness and compassion such as watching someone “being alone.” Although as children we might have known how to appreciate moments of keeping ourselves company, once we reach school age we begin to be socialized to seek the company of others. As we get older, we maintain the misleading belief that not having companions in life is something terrifying.
“There are people who have partners but they feel so alone and empty as though they had none.
There are others who, by not waiting, go along with the wrong person and in their selfishness do not allow that someone to move away even when they know they don’t make them happy.
There are people who stay in marriages and relationships that are already ruined, as the thought of being alone is difficult and unacceptable.
There are people who choose to take second place trying to get to first, but that journey is hard, uncomfortable and fills us with pain and abandonment.
But there are other people who are alone and live and shine and give themselves to life in the best way. People that do not fade, on the contrary, every day they shine brighter and brighter. People who learn to enjoy solitude because it helps them get closer to themselves; to grow and strengthen deep down.
These people are those who one day, without knowing the exact time or why, find themselves next to someone who loves them with true love and fall in love in a wonderful way. “
Mother Teresa
There are people who do not know, do not want or do not understand the possibility of not having a partner or walking alone through life, which is why they are so frightened by people who prefer to be alone. Indeed, the fear of being alone can be sensed and can be felt.
Most people don’t understand that being one’s own company teaches you to discern what you want and don’t want in life, as well as to respect and defend yourself. Time alone allows you to cultivate self-love.
People who view love as a necessity are enslaved by obligating themselves to stay in relationships that have been toxic from the beginning. Viewing love this way creates dependencies that are absolutely lethal for self-love.
That is why finding company in yourself is a wonderful treasure. It’s not about thinking we are self-sufficient in every aspect because, although we really only need ourselves to breathe, the social-emotional aspect is really important to keep us sane.
What we can say is that we do not need anyone, but we prefer to surround ourselves with people who are tuned in to who we are on the inside. This is the foundation of emotional independence. It’s much better to need others because we love them, rather than to love others because we need them.
Selectively spending time alone is great because it helps you get to know yourself, and to nurture and trust yourself. You can choose solitude even if you have a partner; you can have a fully relational life but still set aside a few minutes a day or week for yourself.
In short, this is about enjoying more intimate moments of solitude. And it is not just an option, but it is really recommended for everyone.
Often we mistakenly think that selected solitude and forced solitude are the same. Forced solitude, in which you long and feel isolated by your pain, is a weapon that breaks the human being. Even worse, when we feel this type of loneliness, we tend to feign indifference, thinking that this protects us and will mask our desolation, but it only manages to destroy our love.
However, this does not happen when loneliness is selected; when we need it to advise us and help us find that part of ourselves that we have lost. Accompanying oneself and enjoying those moments of personal intimacy helps us think and exercise our mind.
We spend half of our lives trying to be and make others happy, creating a constant obligation to fulfill what others demand of us without thinking of our inner world. Selected solitude and the autonomy it allows is the closest experience of freedom that we can experience; with it, we can enjoy our inner life and eliminate the burden of our obligations to others even if only for a few hours.
Undoubtedly, despite what society tells us, keeping ourselves company is something extremely desirable and, of course, the only way to achieve an inner balance.
Images courtesy of nuvolanevicata and Path