Love is pure adrenaline and it evades any attempt at rationalization. We cannot control it and we cannot decide when we want it to happen. It happens and we feel something extraordinary, so terrifying and special at the same time that it doesn’t leave any of us indifferent. So we cannot fake or hide when we are in love. We fall in love and any attempt at logic is futile.
The magical nature of love makes us unable to force it to happen whenever we desire. In fact, when French philosopher Sartre pointed out that we are free except to decide we want to be it, he was forgetting to add the sensation of being in love: it is not chosen; it pops up and can arrive both at a good time in our lives as well as a bad one.
Surely you have experienced the terrible pain that an emotional breakup causes at some point in your life, and so you know better than anybody the after effects of that emotional loss. The name “rebound relationships” is given to those that are stated just after having ended another relationship that has left you hurting.
“What do you love when you love, my God: the terrible light of life
or the light of death? What do you seek or find, what
is this love? Who is it?”
-Gonzalo Rojas, poem “What do you love when you love?”-
Not all relationships that start after a breakup are the product of that rebound effect, but very often we believe we can lessen the suffering. But it is the wrong way to move forward. Without realizing it, we think that new person will solve our unhappiness and mend the wounds left by the old person we used to love.
What really lies behind this behavior is only solitude and instability. We are so hurt that we could not get over it, so instead we hid it because it is easier than facing it. In other words, the lost relationship makes us think we need another one to feel fulfilled. We desperately look for love to erase the past, forgetting that we can only truly love when we are ready to.
Fear of being single
Sharing your life with someone is nothing easy, but there is true love where the pieces fall in place and the relationship advances happily. However, it is also not easy to live with oneself if something inside us is out of place and needs attention. As such, before trying to run after balance in a relationship, we must learn to be alone with ourselves; otherwise, any relationship that we have will be but a mirage.
The first thing we have to do is turn our faces towards our fear: many people do not love their partner; rather, they are afraid of not having anyone. Furthermore, when we do not understand this, we probably will repeat the mistake over and over again with all of our partners.
The fear of being alone is a problem that is becoming ever more common, and it is one that sometimes does not allow the person suffering from it to go through the mourning phase that a breakup demands. This fact creates emotional dependence and false conceptions about solitude and freedom: being alone does not imply “being old and bitter” nor does being with someone mean “lack of freedom.”
“There’s no formula.
Is the very border
That separates the soul
From the most absolute material,
An overly tangible fantasy”
-Suso Sudón, poem “Metamor”-
The charm of matching
As we said above, the only person who can really love is the one who is ready for it, the one who has recognized that they do not want to fall into the same traps as before and who dares to take the risk because what they feel is greater than their fear. This is the charm of matching with someone that you do not expect and knowing that you have no option but to give it a try.
There are those who long to feel loved so much that they will let their heart be clouded by unreality; there are those who do not love themselves and wish to be loved; there are those who only listen to their mind to make a move and forget about their emotions. Love is emotional and it cannot be measured or calculated. Those who manage to feel in love finally realize that they did not need to make any effort to achieve this: because it was its moment and life was just holding that back for them.
“It was your story
It ran across mine
So many people, so many people out there
And they coincide one day “
-Song Coincide, Macaco-