Our everyday language shows that we are constantly trying to place the blame for our feelings and actions on others. &#8220;You make me so angry!&#8221; is one of the most common phrases or &#8220;That person fills me with bad energy.&#8221; Both phrases are very common and both hold great fallacies.
<blockquote>
<div class="quote-text" style="text-align: center;">“There are people that create their own storms and then get upset when it rains.&#8221; </div>
</blockquote>
<div class="author-quote">
How is it that others are responsible for your rage? Are you their puppet, slave or tool? How is it possible that you completely lose control of your emotional world when faced with other <a href="https://exploringyourmind.com/5-habits-effective-people/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">people</a>?
One of the traits that defines an adult is precisely the ability to assume responsibility for their own emotions and actions. 
<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-8678" src="https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/one-person-blaming-another.jpg" alt="one person blaming another" width="500" height="334" srcset="https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/one-person-blaming-another.jpg 500w, https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/one-person-blaming-another-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />
<h2 id='1'>Everyone else is simply a pretext</h2>
No matter how limiting the circumstances may be, you always have a margin of freedom to act upon. Even if someone puts a gun to your head and they intimidate you to do something, you still have the option to choose to surrender or not.
Without taking things to that extreme, in our everyday life we frequently must choose between multiple possibilities. And, of course, in a relationship with other people, we also have the choice to act in different ways.
&#8220;You need two to tango,&#8221; as the popular saying says. And it&#8217;s completely true. When faced with an aggression, you have the choice to get sucked in, ignore it or understand it.
The same happens with <a href="https://exploringyourmind.com/tears-didnt-cry-sadness-ignored/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">sadness</a>, fear and the whole spectrum of emotions: it&#8217;s not up to anyone else but you.
It&#8217;s a lie that if others do or don&#8217;t do something, we will be able to find our balance. It&#8217;s false that if others change, we will also change.
What happens is that sometimes we don&#8217;t want to assume the responsibility for our feelings. Others become a pretext to justify our lack of self-control or our inability to assume what we are.
That&#8217;s why we create these mistaken explanations about what&#8217;s happening to us: If she wasn&#8217;t so passive, I would prosper more. If he was more affectionate, I wouldn&#8217;t feel so sad. These types of complaints, translate into: &#8220;the control and management of what I feel is in other people&#8217;s hands.&#8221;
<h2 id='2'>But we&#8217;re not an island either&#8230;</h2>
Other people&#8217;s influence over our emotions is merely a factor. They facilitate or inhibit certain feelings, moods or attitudes. But in some cases they determine them.
It would be most obvious to say that if you feel irritated by the presence of someone in particular, or sadder when you have a conversation with them, you should keep away from that person. However, this is not so simple.
Human beings are full of contradictions. So though you feel more prone to getting angry in the presence of someone, that same person might provide a special dynamic to your life, or they offer you challenges you might find attractive.
We&#8217;re also don&#8217;t live within a world divided into good and bad or healthy and sick people. We&#8217;re all a bit of everything. We also go through moments in which we enjoy being tormented by someone, or become insufferable due to all of our complaining about our sadness.
There is no ideal world in which your behavior is as unflappable as the Dalai Lama, or where you&#8217;re going to be surrounded only by people who maintain a foolproof balance. 
<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-8677" src="https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/group-pointing-at-one-person.jpg" alt="group pointing at one person" width="500" height="334" srcset="https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/group-pointing-at-one-person.jpg 500w, https://exploringyourmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/group-pointing-at-one-person-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" />
What you can do is work on eliminating that belief that your feelings depend on other people. That it&#8217;s not your responsibility to work on your negative emotions, but it&#8217;s others who should do it instead.
If you manage to get rid of that logic, you&#8217;ll realize that everything will become simpler. And that sooner rather than later, situations will evolve. You&#8217;ll get to know yourself better and possibly discover that until now you&#8217;ve been tormented by situations that aren&#8217;t worth the trouble.
So, you&#8217;ll be better prepared to prioritize <a href="https://exploringyourmind.com/5-tools-help-resolve-problems-conflicts/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">your conflicts</a>. You&#8217;ll be able to give value to the problems that truly deserve it, and leave behind those pretexts that kept you from moving forward.
</div>

Our everyday language shows that we're full of formulas that try to place the blame for our feelings and actions on others. 

Our everyday language shows that we are constantly trying to place the blame for our feelings and actions on others. "You make me&hellip;

Don't Blame Others for Your Feelings

Our everyday language shows that we are constantly trying to place the blame for our feelings and actions on others. "You make me so angry!" is one of the most common phrases or "That person fills me with bad energy." Both phrases are very common and both hold great fallacies.

“There are people that create their own storms and then get upset when it rains." 


How is it that others are responsible for your rage? Are you their puppet, slave or tool? How is it possible that you completely lose control of your emotional world when faced with other people?

One of the traits that defines an adult is precisely the ability to assume responsibility for their own emotions and actions.

Everyone else is simply a pretext
No matter how limiting the circumstances may be, you always have a margin of freedom to act upon. Even if someone puts a gun to your head and they intimidate you to do something, you still have the option to choose to surrender or not.

Without taking things to that extreme, in our everyday life we frequently must choose between multiple possibilities. And, of course, in a relationship with other people, we also have the choice to act in different ways.

"You need two to tango," as the popular saying says. And it's completely true. When faced with an aggression, you have the choice to get sucked in, ignore it or understand it.

The same happens with sadness, fear and the whole spectrum of emotions: it's not up to anyone else but you.

It's a lie that if others do or don't do something, we will be able to find our balance. It's false that if others change, we will also change.

What happens is that sometimes we don't want to assume the responsibility for our feelings. Others become a pretext to justify our lack of self-control or our inability to assume what we are.

That's why we create these mistaken explanations about what's happening to us: If she wasn't so passive, I would prosper more. If he was more affectionate, I wouldn't feel so sad. These types of complaints, translate into: "the control and management of what I feel is in other people's hands."
But we're not an island either...
Other people's influence over our emotions is merely a factor. They facilitate or inhibit certain feelings, moods or attitudes. But in some cases they determine them.

It would be most obvious to say that if you feel irritated by the presence of someone in particular, or sadder when you have a conversation with them, you should keep away from that person. However, this is not so simple.

Human beings are full of contradictions. So though you feel more prone to getting angry in the presence of someone, that same person might provide a special dynamic to your life, or they offer you challenges you might find attractive.

We're also don't live within a world divided into good and bad or healthy and sick people. We're all a bit of everything. We also go through moments in which we enjoy being tormented by someone, or become insufferable due to all of our complaining about our sadness.

There is no ideal world in which your behavior is as unflappable as the Dalai Lama, or where you're going to be surrounded only by people who maintain a foolproof balance.


What you can do is work on eliminating that belief that your feelings depend on other people. That it's not your responsibility to work on your negative emotions, but it's others who should do it instead.

If you manage to get rid of that logic, you'll realize that everything will become simpler. And that sooner rather than later, situations will evolve. You'll get to know yourself better and possibly discover that until now you've been tormented by situations that aren't worth the trouble.

So, you'll be better prepared to prioritize your conflicts. You'll be able to give value to the problems that truly deserve it, and leave behind those pretexts that kept you from moving forward.

Don&#8217;t Blame Others for Your Feelings

Don't Blame Others for Your Feelings - Exploring your mind

With a degree in Psychology from the <a href="https://www.usal.es/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">University of Salamanca</a> (2012), she qualified as a General Health Psychologist, collegiate number: EX01253. She has a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology from the ISPCS and the AEPC (2014), and qualified as an&#160;Expert in Systemic Intervention (2016), a Specialist in Sanitary, Civil-Commercial Mediation (2013), a&#160;Specialist in Psychosomatic Psychology (2013) and a Sex Education Expert ( 2013). She is currently a doctoral student at the University of Salamanca.She carries out tutoring tasks for psychology practices in collaboration with different universities (USAL, UPSA, UH). She is also director of TFM in the university Master's degree in Third Generation Therapies at the International University of Valencia. She has been a medical director at a medical examination center (2013). Since 2012 she has practiced professionally in the field of drug addiction in the <a href="https://apoyat1986.wordpress.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">APOYAT</a> Therapeutic Community, in psycho-oncology at the Don Benito - Vva de la Serena Hospital and <a href="http://aoex.es/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">AOEX</a>, with people with borderline personality disorder in <a href="https://asociacionparalasaludmental.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">AEXFATP</a> and in the private sphere. She is a collaborating author of the <a href="https://saludextremadura.ses.es/filescms/smex/uploaded_files/PLAN_SALUD_MENTAL_2016_2020.pdf" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">III Comprehensive Mental Health Plan of Extremadura 2016 - 2020</a>.She has participated in international conferences and psychology conferences,&#160;and gives talks and workshops in associations, schools and organizations. She is currently the web director of La Mente es Maravillosa, she collaborates with the Laboratory of Neurosciences and Social Sciences (LINCS) of the Argentine Systemic School and the University of Flores. and with various media organizations such as Canal Sur Radio, Cadena Ser and Canal Extremadura, magazines such as Mujerhoy, Objective Welfare, and Mente Sana, and other digital media such as The Huffington Post, ABC Bienestar, Psicoactiva and El Peri&#243;dico Extremadura.

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Evelin Maza

Web director of the digital webzine&#160;La Mente es Maravillosa. In it, she performs editing, writing, and content management tasks. She has extensive training and experience in psychology, and gives talks and workshops related to her specialties. She is the co-author of Put a heart to your brain (2020) and author of Now is your moment. Keys to heal and be happy (2022).

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